When you know you don't have it in you...

I've been so blessed this past year to have encouragement from kind people who have supported me in my art. Artists need encouragement, and that kindness has meant more to me in the past year than most of those people will ever know.

But sometimes that encouragement can make you think more of your skill set than you ought. I was talking to a fellow artist friend the other day about how we each seem to have our niche, and that people don't always understand that being good at capturing one type of subject doesn't necessarily make you good at capturing all subjects. They often think you can paint anything with the same precision that you used to paint the one subject that you paint best. Sometimes it's a good challenge, and their confidence is what you need to step out of your comfort zone and do the work to learn new skills.

But sometimes a piece just isn't in you. That's where I found myself this past Sunday when I went to church. I had painted probably 20 layers on this piece and I didn't feel like I was any closer to finishing than when I started. I worked and worked, but I didn't know where I was going or how to even figure that out. I knew that on my own, I would never get anywhere. I was to the point where I knew I had to either give up, or throw myself on the mercy of someone who could impart to me the artistic knowledge that didn't reside anywhere in me. I needed someone to bring that dead piece to life, because I didn't have the power.

In church, our pastor talked about how those of us who grew up in church can often fool ourselves into thinking we are pretty decent people on our own. We don't see the gravity of our sin because, compared with a lot of other people, it doesn't seem like we really have much. In my kitchen, my small, unfinished mess of a painting sits right beside another painting six times its size. It's the last one I completed, and probably my favorite I've ever done. But no matter how many times I look at that good painting, the bad one is still there, the one for which I desperately need a savior.

I'm thankful that Jesus is willing to save us even though we can never fully grasp the depth of our need for him. And as for the painting, I'm praying that God will provide either the guidance and direction I need in whatever form that comes, or the humility to admit that this wasn't a work for me to do.